Half 2, you'll do.

Growing up, I had a very small group of friends. Quality Vs quantity. They may have been few, but they were mighty. And I wouldn't have had it any other way. And as we grew up it was rare that we would all find ourselves single at the same time. When that did occur, there was a universal call of 'GIRLS ON TOUR' when each night out would be dedicated to finding someone at the end of the night, be it for a drunken kiss in the smoking area, or an awkward story in the morning.

There were hours and hours of pruning and preening, countless bottles of wine consumed in someone's bedroom listening to Beyonce, several conversations about who's dress was too revealing or not revealing enough, and far too many private monologues of 'why the fuck am I bothering with this?" Nights out like that are different when you dress on double figures. Truth be known, every one of those boisterous mini parties in a friends bedroom was another nail in the coffin. Another reinforcement of how all my skinnier friends will no doubt be successful in their mission tonight, and I'd be left waiting.

Waiting until a Dj shouted 'last orders at the bar' and people's true desperation came out. Until all those guys who wouldn't have soberly given you the time of day are suddenly incredibly interested now that the pool has become extremely limited. Waiting until someone feels drunk enough to consider you a viable option.

I know that sounds harsh, and I hope that it's not true for everyone. But it is true for me. I've seen that look in a guys eyes. That smarmy 'you should be glad I'm talking to you ' look. That assumption that you're a sure thing, and that you should be grateful for the consideration. I would rather go home alone for the rest of my life than go home for one night with someone who thinks they're doing me a favour. You're not doing me any favours. I don't aspire to be an embarrassing story for anyone to tell their friends.... 'this one time I banged a fat chick'

I have news for you, you drunken asshole I never wanted to have sex with any way- I'm the best sex you'll never have. And not because I'm grateful, not because I feel like I need to prove anything to you. Because I fucking love sex and have learned what I loved over the years. Because you may think that my body is only good enough when you have no other options, but my body is always good enough for me. Because I have learned the ways my body works in a way that a lot of ways that other women haven't.... because I've fucking had to. Because of guys like you, I'm a fountain of sexual knowledge. Because of guys that feel like they can fuck a fat girl and she will cum out of sheer want, I have learned  my orgasm is worth so much more. I am not a half 2 you'll do. I am many things, but I am not that.